In 2005, The Beards were formed with one simple dream: To ensure that every living man, woman and child grows a beard. While this dream slowly edges closer to reality, we’re taking a moment to celebrate 10 extremely beard-filled years when we set off this September on the Ten Long Years, One Long Beard Anniversary Tour. We’ll be back to check in on some of our favourite beards from around Europe, with shows in Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Holland, Switzerland and the UK. The tour will also mark the release of a 10-year retrospective album, incorporating a ‘greatest hits’ compilation alongside some rare and unreleased tracks, a complete live set recorded earlier this year at Sydney’s iconic Metro Theatre, AND a brand new single.
MASSIVE, massive thanks to everyone who came out out to see us on the recently-completed Strokin’ My Beard Tour. It was great to get around Oz once again, catching up with plenty of old bearded friends and making heaps of new ones. We’ll have more tour dates for the second half of the year announcing soon, and in the meantime we’ve got some exciting new beard-related things in development… stay tuned and we’ll see everyone again real soon.
Over the last couple of days, a tide of articles has emerged claiming that a “scientific study” has found some beards contain more faecal matter than a toilet. It always amuses me to watch the now-redundant beardless overclass and their increasingly desperate attempts to discredit beards. It should come as a surprise to nobody that the multitude of articles covering this story in such dubious publications as The Mirror and news.com.au contain little to no truth.
Let’s take a look at the actual study shall we? Oh wait – we can’t because it doesn’t exist. After trying to get our hands on the data unearthed in this alleged scientific experiment, it quickly became evident that no proper scientific study took place and no poo was found in any beards. As was reported in The Guardian, the only thing that happened was that a reporter from an Albuquerque news network (yes a reporter and not a scientist) swabbed a handful of beards (the number was unspecified) and then talked to a microbiologist about what the swab-results revealed. They found that “while some contained normal bacteria, others contained bacteria similar to those found in faecal matter”. That’s right – similar, but not the same. The bacteria in question are called “enterics” and are also found in the human intestine. While it’s true that human faeces is partially composed of this type of bacteria, it is wholly inaccurate to claim that the two are one and the same. Further to this, none of the levels of bacteria found in the swabbed beards were high enough to pose any threat to human health. The microbiologist interviewed also pointed out that if you swab anything that we touch regularly – be it your toothbrush, kitchen sponge or the hair on your head, you will find tons of germs. In fact it’s not unheard of for human skin to contain the same kind of bacteria normally found in the gut. This information was omitted by most of the articles, which were more concerned with scare-mongering and hyperbole than accurate, fact-based reporting.
We the bearded are used to these laughable attempts to undermine the beard. The multi-billion dollar shaving industry has reported huge losses on men’s shaving products globally and will do anything they can to manipulate the masses into shaving. This recent swathe of bogus articles should serve as a lesson to the public not to believe everything you read (although the bearded members of the public will already be aware of this, as they’ve been scientifically proven to be smarter, more astute and more well-read than their beardless counterparts). Having said all of this, it should be noted that even if these allegations were true (which they aren’t), even if this was a proper scientific study (which it wasn’t), even if it had a decent sample size (which it didn’t) and even if the results were published in a reputable scientific journal (which they weren’t), I’d still rather have pieces of shit in my beard than be a beardless piece of shit.
The bearded have spoken and The Beards have listened! Due to popular demand we’ve added a handful of extra shows to our already-massive Strokin’ My Beard Tour. Tickets for all shows are onsale now, click here to grab yours now or check out all the dates below…